Do you believe that bad things just HAPPEN to you or do you believe that the majority of your drama is by extension, your own doing. There is a fine line between learning to be Accountable vs being a Control Freak.
Real talk, being more set to an External Locus of control, meaning you believe things “just happen” or that you have no control, are linked to less success and more struggle bus activity in general. An Internal Locus of control means you see yourself as the captain of your own ship through life, but there is a dark side to that as well. Sometimes people become a bit warped about the things they feel they are accountable for even though they have absolutely no control over what is happening.
Feeling as though you need to manipulate your behaviors to try and get different or better results from other people.
This isn’t “wrong” it’s just a very slippery slop. Yes, our behaviors affect what others do and feel; however, they do not determine them. You can definitely call someone to the carpet for being a huge pain that causes you stress, but you have a to look at all of the decisions you made to remain in that dynamic or the decision that lead to you reacting the way that you did. Remember, it’s not about finding someone to blame, it’s about finding solutions.
The key to balancing an Internal Locus of Control is learning what you have control over and what you don’t. Anxiety and a slew of other symptoms are the result of people trying to control things they can’t and blaming themselves for when terrible plan of theirs doesn’t work out. They internalize all of those loses and shortcomings and interpret them as indications of their self-worth. Work with what you can and let the rest of it Goooooooooo.
Believing since you were born with dyslexia, you can’t really control how well you do in school.
Yes, the Dyslexia is going to present it’s on barriers, but there are a zillion things you still control. If you simply focus on the fact you get all wibbly woobly when you’re trying to read a math equation, you’re going to miss all of the things that are actually easy for you.
Thats a great way to develop some toxic pessimism, not to mention, consistent feelings of not being in control. You just gave Anxiety and Depression an all access pass to your brain.
Validate your struggles. Acknowledge when it sucks and when things are way more difficult than they need to be, but don’t make your struggle your ENTIRE IDENTITY or experience.